The Conscientious Objector

"Fear used to grip my mind. And I was so afraid that I joined the army to kill those I feared, so that they couldn't come to America to kill me. My actions have hurt many people and I finally realize that if anything makes sense in this world, it is love, not just for people I like, but love for all." -- Josh Stieber, former Army specialist, Iraq war veteran-turned-conscientious objector.

Before he discovered he could become a conscientious objector, Josh Stieber says he wanted to return his military pay.

A conscientious objector is an individual who refuses to serve in the armed forces, or to engage in combat, on the grounds that killing people violates his or her moral principles.

During his 14-month mission in Iraq, Stieber says he quickly felt he was in the wrong place. He joined the Army after the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks in the United States. He had personally witnessed the terrible destruction and death caused that day when hijackers crashed a commercial jetliner into the Pentagon.

When he arrived in Iraq, he expected he would be greeted as a liberator. Instead, he felt like an invader. Stieber started refusing missions, and rather than kicking in doors looking for insurgents, he would slip away from his unit and go to a local market to buy groceries.

His unit was involved in a filmed 2007 Apache helicopter attack – which came to worldwide attention after being leaked on the Internet. The helicopter pilot and other U.S. military personnel directing the air attack can be heard in radio communications as they strafed a group of men and later a van full of people.

Stieber and another member of the unit wrote a letter taking responsibility for those who were killed and seeking reconciliation with their families and friends and those who were injured but survived.

In many news media interviews and on his blog, he has explainsed that he believes American soldiers were victims of a system, and that if the video is shocking, viewers should understand that day was not exceptional in terms of the war that is going on in Iraq.

Since returning to the United States, Stieber has embarked on a walking, biking and speaking tour, and developed a partnership between school children in America and Afghanistan.

He called the tour and his blog, the "Contagious Love Experiment" – a very different path from his previous one.

An American Soldier Student

"They have not had much dealings with military or with prior military, and then after the initial reaction, they do not internally understand what that means, or what giving your life to the military for a few years actually means or what that does to someone." -- Adam L'Episcopo, Iraq war veteran and university student.

Adam L'Episcopo has been going back and forth between being a student and a soldier. He says when the topic of Iraq comes up in his university classroom, he prefers to stay silent because he doesn't want to drown the other students in his words and experiences.

Every war veteran has a unique story, and not all of them end in a crippling combat injury, suicidal depression or post-traumatic stress syndrome. But L'Episcopo's story, at least the part we’ve learned about, has had many twists and turns.

After graduating from high school in the midwestern state of Colorado, he says, he wanted to find out more about what was really happening in Iraq. So he enlisted in the Army.

After spending several months in Mosul, in northern Iraq, he was sent to Baghdad in December 2006 where violence was escalating.

While in the service, he says, he decided to further his education, to better understand the tumultuous world around him.

During downtime on military missions, he filled out applications to universities back in the United States, even writing one application letter from inside an armored vehicle. To his surprise, he was accepted to his top choice: the School of International Service at American University.

As a student, he has struggled with expenses. Veteran benefits were much lower than he expected. He also missed the solidarity he felt with other soldiers.

It has been anything but a smooth ride. At one point, the Army said he would have to go back to Iraq. His mother was devastated by the prospect. So he quickly completed another information packet, including letters from lawmakers, and again, to his surprise, the orders were revoked, allowing him to finish his degree.

He says the American news media have told his story several times. But they have often distorted his views and taken them out of context, depicting him as a veteran who was turning his back on the Army.

His story is not the kind of simple narrative you can fit into a short soundbite. L'Episcopo finds the U.S. education system too expensive and elitist. He says without his army experience, he would have never been admitted to the excellent program he has enjoyed.

He recently decided to join a reserve unit of the U.S. Army, to give himself more options for his future, including better financial ones.

Training may delay his graduation, but L'Episcopo says that’s his predicament: to be living two realities as both a student and a soldier.